My last X-miss at home, I gone even if it kills me.


Merry X-miss

Hello again from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm?

We are currently recruiting participants for the second phase of our research on self-harm, and we want your help! Participating in the study takes only 90 minutes, and you will be entered into a draw to win one of five prizes of $150 CAD. If you are interested, please email us at chapman_lab@sfu.ca. All your information will be kept confidential, and no identifying information is linked to your responses.

**************************************************************
THE DETAILS:

Background Information: Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help! We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help.

What you can do: If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 90 minutes to complete.

Who can participate: We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.

What’s in it for you: Participants who complete the questionnaires will be entered in a draw to win one of five prizes of $150 CAD. Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

Important Information: This study is the second phase of this line of research, and builds on the previous study. If you have already participated in our research (in a study called “Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury”), you are still eligible to complete this study.


Please contact us at chapman_lab@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

Thank you,

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)
Simon Fraser University
Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6

Hello again from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm? We are currently recruiting participants for the second phase of our research on self-harm, and we want your help! Participating in the study takes only 90 minutes, and you will be entered into a draw to win one of five prizes of $150 CAD. If you are interested, please email us at chapman_lab@sfu.ca. All your information will be kept confidential, and no identifying information is linked to your responses.

**************************************************************
THE DETAILS:

Background Information: Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help! We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help.

What you can do: If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 90 minutes to complete.

Who can participate: We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.

What’s in it for you: Participants who complete the questionnaires will be entered in a draw to win one of five prizes of $150 CAD. Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

Important Information: This study is the second phase of this line of research, and builds on the previous study. If you have already participated in our research (in a study called “Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury”), you are still eligible to complete this study.


Please contact us at chapman_lab@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

Thank you,

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)
Simon Fraser University
Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6

I have the ring. It's a ruby. We were going to get married, but the timing is not right.You can't ignore something that's broken. I'm not a religious person but I've started thinking about faith--about giving yourself completely to another person.I don't believe in promises, but I do believe in commitments.I believe in fate and that it cannot be fought.So I am sitting in his room writing this and waiting for him to come home.On Sunday I will be waiting for a month.I will be waiting for assurance that he will come back to me.I will be waiting to know if he still loves me.When you cannot control you have to have faith.No matter how naive people will say you are. No matter how damaged you are. No matter that you cannot eat and want to scream.That your heart is breaking.Faith is all I have.I cannot predict what will happen. If he will heal or destruct.If I will be strong enough for the both of us.I have faith he will and has always known how much I love him.That no matter what happens I will be here waiting.

( broken wings )

( be as you are )

( goodbyee '09 )

Lets do something nice for our Nurse Stillbourne ( STILLBOURNE DONT LOOK HERE )

Ever questioned if you were really (inside mentally etc) the gender you were born with? If so... when did you start questioning? Were you serious? What made you start to question your gender? Did it cause any complications (self centered or from others around you) with attraction to the same/opposite sex?
Did you feel almost as if you had/have no sexuality at all?

I have never met anyone who is transgender or transsexual... but I've lately wondered how they knew, when they started to question... or what their family, friends etc. thought about it... what they felt like after going through with the gender change...

just some musings that have been swirling around in my mind for the past while...

( who's going to save me )

I was cutting and told the wrong person I'd had a bad day and they called the cops saying I was suicidal. Weeks have passed since they let me out the hospital but nothing ever got fixed. They took me in and released my outta the psych ward within 10 hours; I guess I really am good at keeping my cool. I was cutting again within a week; and it's starting to get reckless. Next shot is probably gonna be across as vien, I'm kinda sad about that fact becasue that means I've fallen flat on my face again but , hey, what can you do when you're transparent and even though they can see right through you they refuse to see anything at all?


fuck the losers who posed, bashing this page. Some assholes just don't feel anything at all

( because i knew you, i have been changed for good... )

I wish there a non-awkward way to meet other insomniacs in your area.
I'm sick of being alone all the time because I'm awake all night.

( just you and i defying gravity.... )

( Read more... )

I am still taking the shock in. My trepist said that I was tease to the point of mental abused. I hate the word abused. I was born with learning disabilities (Dyscalculia,Dysgraphia,Dyslexia) and the school had a program for children with dyslexia but not for the other two. I was place half a day in a special ed class (with students who had special need) then in a normal class. My peers were very mean, all social ques were in a way unlearned. I am relearning them.

Everything around me just swirls and swirls ...like every fragment of my life is trapped on a merry-go-round and the wind is lashing, eroding, paling everything I love and am. Where's the switch to turn this fucking thing off?

"I don't want to be one of the girls who laughs the loudest or doesn't want to be alone."

Inspirations comes at odd times, often when it's too late. I haven't posted here in a long time. A lot has changed.Self destruction is a spiral--for a reason--it has an end but it's delayed. It gives you a choice to climb out or drown. When you go beyond that, it is something entirely different.
Last night I asked a friend what kept her going.She told me it was the possibility of change. That if it ended now she would be just the some of her parts. Why do people get up in the morning? What makes them happy? What comforts them when they are not?I can't find the answers because when I look at my life I don't see any of it.People who care are worried. I am not.I probably should be. I can't eat. I sleep too little or too much.I drink too much.But that place I mentioned has no delay.It's looking around you and not seeing or understanding the will to survive.It's a disgusting freedom.I know it's selfish-- I've been told a hundred times.People yell and scream.They plead.But still I don't want it. None of it.

I know I am self involved.I am hurting people and it's a horrible thing to do.I am living because I have been told my absence will be intolerable.I am living because people tell me to.It's like one of those bad dreams where you can't wake up.

Is it so hard to let go?

The Gothic Charm School

just posted an article today about how to deal with
Doctors who disapprove of goth

I thought some of you might be able to relate....


--

also,

Happy Cupcake day!

I was playing an online game where you have to find 17 ways to kill your boss. It's a good stress reliever if I ever did have a job. Maybe I can substitute my professors for it instead.

So while playing the game, these thoughts keep running through my head:

The thing is, I had my character use the umbrella and I realized, unless the umbrella was made of metal, it's going to be very difficult to push it through somebody's chest as opposed to what was shown in the game. Unless I was some sort of body builder, I can't actually lift a wall but if I throw someone through it, maybe they would die. It's doubtful I'll use a computer that's been splashed with blood (wouldn't that short circuit the computer?). Unless I'm using a metal ruler, it would be hard to penetrate the skull of a person. Maybe I could try pushing through with the plastic though. I can actually use a water dispenser to substitute for water torture. I do doubt that slashing someone's neck would produce that much blood as was shown in the game. But I do know they'd gush the same way.

then there are the usual tools: a suitcase, a cup, a keyboard, a stapler, trash can, computer, a chair, bare hands, the drawers, a coat hanger and a pencil. I find myself liking the use of the suitcase. The majority of the items are normal things we use for our everyday lives. We don't realize how deadly they seem to be. Apparently, it's actually very easy to kill someone.

-after all this I find myself debating whether I'm morbid or just plain curious. I go with morbid curiosity and the fact that I actually imagine doing these to the people who irritate me a lot doesn't help me much.